Choosing a coach is, in some sense, as important as choosing a good friend. A coach is a friend who is guarded by a professional code of ethics not to divulge confidential information about you, while always working with you to achieve the best outcome for you. Now, if you found certain signs in a coach’s character that are suspicious to you, will you still be as open and vulnerable? Recall, in a previous article, I mentioned that openness and vulnerability is key to a successful coaching session. So, if the character or behaviour of a coach may hinder your willingness to share, will you still pick that coach?
Marks of a good coach
In my experiences of being a client, I have had the privilege of meeting great coaches. In sessions with them, I felt like I am carefully carried and sheltered. I felt safe enough to be vulnerable and open up. It felt okay to shed a tear or two and still felt like I’m not being judged. These coaches respected all the boundaries that are both set in our agreement and during our conversation. These sessions start on time and end on time, regardless of what was discussed. And whenever the client mentioned that they do not want to talk or venture into certain areas, the coaches will respect that and not probe further. These coaches respect the client and will never seek to take the lead; using only professional coaching techniques like reflecting and targetted questioning to guide their clients. In sessions with these coaches, the client will feel supported and cared for.
Identifying red flags
To ensure the effectiveness of a coaching session and to maximise your investment in the coaching session, it is of great importance that the coach is a person you can trust. But how do you decide sole based on one discovery call? Here in this article, I share some tips that I have accumulated from my time as a coaching client that may help you identify red flags to aid in your decision making. These tips can be categorised into two broad categories: (1) Respect of Boundaries and (2) Situational and Emotional Awareness.
Respect of boundaries
Building on these, we can deduce some potential red flags that you might want to look out for. Firstly, look out for coaches who do not respect time. When I say this, I do not refer to coaches who are a minute or two late. Most coaches have back-to-back sessions and may require an additional minute for bio-breaks. I am referring to coaches who are unprofessional in their management of time. These coaches often start unprofessionally late and/or go beyond the agreed upon end time. If your coach show disrespect to the agreed upon schedule for the discovery call, what makes you think they wouldn’t do so for the rest? Hence, time is one of the factor you should look out for.
Next, coaches who do not respect clients’ boundaries should also be seen as a red flag. For example, if a coach is insistent that his/her way is the right way, then that coach isn’t coaching — that’s teaching. And if you as a client shared that you do not want to talk about a certain topic or item, then the coach should respect it and not bring it up. Sure, the act of not bringing up may hinder the surfacing of limiting beliefs. But we are talking about the clients’ mental health and sanity here. If a coach probes into an area that you are uncomfortable with, it is on one hand not ethical, it is also very harmful to the clients’ emotional health. In this context, coaches should respect clients’ boundaries. No means no. No arguments.
Situational and Emotional Awareness
When a coach lacks situational and emotional awareness, the coach will not be able to identify and respond to verbal and non-verbal cues. This can be easily identified through their interactions with the client. For example, a coach who lacks situational awareness may have the tendency to cut the clients’ thought processes. A coach who lacks emotional awareness may not know how to respond to emotional cues like the raising of tone or the trembling in the voice. In a session where the topic isn’t very deep, such lack of awareness can be easily overlooked. However, when the situation requires that the client be open and vulnerable, a coach without situational and emotional awareness will be greatly harmful for the client.
The greatest form of harm I have encountered thus far as a coaching client is when coaches bring their hidden baggages to the conversation. As a client, we are already burdened with the things we are trying to solve. We do not require coaches to pile their issues on top of ours and add to the weight we are already bearing. I recall a time when I am sharing with a coach about an issue that I need to think through before talking to my wife. It is a relatively simple activity that I want to do with my wife. However, the coach was insistent that I do not do it with my wife; stating that my reluctance to talk about that is the key to the issue. He insisted several times despite me stating that that is not one of my option that I want to explore. In this instance, I was deeply hurt and shaking from the coaching session. A session that was supposed to be edifying managed to turn around and tear me down. Is this coaching? I would believe not.
Concluding Thoughts
Finding a coach is akin to finding a good friend. A coach is a person who is ethically bound to protect your confidentiality, while journeying with you and wishing nothing but the best for all that you desire. To do that, a coach will need to dive deep into your heart and mind, navigating your deepest thoughts and assisting you to achieve the best possible outcome for you. The last thing you would want is to have coaches who have red flags to hinder you from your personal growth. Hence, it is of great importance to recognise these red flags and avoid them from the very beginning.
TL;DR
- Coach is akin to a good friend who journeys with you.
- Red flags are important to identify. They are:
- No respect for time
- No respect for your objective
- No respect for boundaries
- Lack of situational awareness
- Lack of emotional awareness
- Coaches who have hidden baggages
Book a session with me!
Hi! I am offering pro-bono coaching as part of my training to be a certified ICF coach. If you would like me to journey with you through your struggles in life, do feel free to hit me up! Do click on the link below to book a coaching session with me. Do remember to indicate “pro-bono coaching” as well as you met me through my website, simchenxing.com!
Sim Chen Xing 
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