Finding the right coach can be quite a struggle, especially since every coach has their own unique style and personality. In this post, I have put together some helpful tips from my personal experiences, along with some words of wisdom from the Bible, to guide you in your search for the ideal coach!

1. Understand What Coaching Is

Before we decide whether coaching is right for you, you need to understand what coaching is in comparison with the other guidance-providing professions out there. Generally speaking, these professions can be categorized into these categories: (1) advisors or consultants, (2) mentor, (3) trainers, and (4) coach.

Though I have categorized them into categories, it is important to know that sometimes the line separating one category from another can be easily blurred. For example, people can both be a consultant and a mentor. People can also act as both a trainer and a coach. So it is essential to know what you are looking for.

Based on my personal observation, I find that people with age and experiences tend to want to give advice. People who are empathetic tend to want to mentor. People who are very skilled in their own way tend to want to train. But people who are very balanced, they refrain from doing any of those things — they coach.

People with age and experiences, advice
People who are empathetic, mentor
People who are skilled, train
But people who are balanced, coach.

– Chen Xing.

When you find a coach, you want someone who will work with you holistically. You want someone who can help you find clarity, set personal goals, and take intentional steps. You don’t want others to share their experiences and skills. Rather, you want someone who can draw out your own growth and potential; someone who can support you in developing a deeper sense of purpose, focus, and balance. This type of partnership is a coaching partnership. Is this what you are looking for?

2. Know What You Want

Next, before you find a coach, you will need to be clear on what you want from coaching. You may start by asking yourself: “What is the most important issue I need to work on?”

Consider the type of person you’d want as a companion on this journey. Think about the physical and mental traits that would make you feel most comfortable being open and vulnerable. For instance, some people prefer a more senior coach with substantial experience because they would prefer to feel the reassurance that age and experience bring. Others, like myself, may prefer a peer; having a peer coach feels less intimidating, as there’s often less fear of judgment. Knowing your preferences in advance will help you find a coach who feels like a natural fit.

3. Test It Out

Most coaches offer a discovery call or initial consultation. Take advantage of this! A discovery call allows you to get a feel for the coach’s style, personality, and approach. This is your chance to gauge whether their “vibe” aligns with yours.

Remember, choosing a coach is a big decision. You’re not only investing time and money but also opening your heart to vulnerability. Don’t rush this process; protect your time, finances, and, most importantly, your heart. Choose someone you feel a genuine connection with and who can provide the space for you to thrive.

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What Does the Bible Say About Choosing a Coach?

Though the Bible doesn’t explicitly use the term “coach,” the qualities we might consider in a leader can also guide us in choosing the qualities to look for in a coach. In this section, we’ll explore some lessons from the books of 1 Timothy and 2 Timothy.

1. Look for someone who is godly.

A Christian coach should be godly. No matter what your coaching topic is, a godly christian coach who is firmly rooted on the promises of God will be able to navigate with you through the toughest storms in your life. Paul writes, “For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8, NIV). Therefore, if you are searching for a coach to assist you in matters of great importance, do not settle for less! Seek a coach who pursues qualities like righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness (1 Timothy 6:11, NIV).

2. Age doesn’t matter!

Wisdom and maturity aren’t solely tied to age. Paul encourages Timothy with these words, “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity.” (1 Timothy 4:12, NIV). Your coach doesn’t have to be older to be wise or effective—look instead at their character and spiritual maturity. I have expanded on this in a previous article titled, “Is Coaching Biblical?” Within it, the Bible tells us that the wisest amongst Job and his friends turned out to be the youngest of them all – Elihu. Despite his age, Elihu listened patiently to their entire conversation — all 30 chapters of them — and responded with wisdom that no one could rebuke. Likewise, Timothy turned out to be a great teacher despite his tender age. Therefore, do not let our preconceived ideas cloud our judgement in choosing a coach. You never know if the best coach for you might be younger than you!

3. Look for someone who is gentle

Coaching often involves sensitive topics, so a gentle approach is essential. As Paul says, “The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.” (2 Timothy 2:24-25, NIV). Unlike Timothy, coaches do not instruct. However, coaches partners and reflects. And more importantly than ever when handling sensitive issues, coaches should exhibit gentleness, honour, and respect. Do not look for a coach who is harsh on you or imposes their views on you. Rather, look for someone who can nurture you and journey with you with compassion, patience, and kindness.

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Concluding Thoughts

The journey to finding the right coach might take time, but it’s worth the effort. A good coach can make a significant difference in your life, not only helping you reach your goals but also fostering growth in ways you may never have expected. Whether you’re seeking practical skills, personal growth, or a journey that aligns with your faith, take your time, pray, and trust that you’ll find a coach who will guide you effectively. Remember, this is your journey—choose someone who feels like the right partner for the path ahead.

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Book a session with me!

Hi! I am offering pro-bono coaching as part of my training to be a certified ICF coach. If you would like me to journey with you through your struggles in life, do feel free to hit me up! Do click on the link below to book a coaching session with me. Do remember to indicate “pro-bono coaching” as well as you met me through my website, simchenxing.com!